I found out my husband was cheating on my sister, divorced him, and went no contact with my toxic family. Years later, things took a turn…

She texted me about an hour later, saying, “Sorry, sis. Didn’t mean to tag you. No hard feelings, I hope we can still be close. You’ll meet your soulmate someday too.” I blocked her. I blocked her on everything I could think of.

My parents haven’t been any better. They pretended to be sympathetic in the beginning. When I told them I was going no contact with Star and Ryan, my mother looked at me and said, “I’m sorry this happened. It shouldn’t have happened this way, but your sister deserves to be happy too. You’ll meet someone, and then we can put this all behind us.”

I got really upset and told them what Star had tagged me in and the text she sent me. My mother said, “Well, you shouldn’t be on that stuff anyway.” My father hasn’t said a thing this whole time. He just sits there. I asked him once what he thought, and he just said, “I agree with your mother,” then walked out of the room.

I am going full no contact with them as well. The house will sell soon, and I’m moving to a different state. I am not telling any of my family where or when. I haven’t told them that’s my plan. I’m just done with all of them. I wish them all the worst.

Update: Hi, everybody. I know it’s been four years since I last updated everyone, but we had a major situation happen. I will start by giving you an update on myself. I am recently engaged. It took a lot of therapy to get myself back out there. I tried dating right away once I got settled here in Minnesota. I went on one okay first date, and then he showed me just what an insufferable ass he was.

I swore off men forever after that. That’s when I went to therapy to process all the trauma from the betrayal by my husband and sister, as well as the abandonment by my parents. It was a hard year of that, but then I met James (37, male). Yes, he has the same first name as my dad, LOL, but James is wonderful. He’s a chef. He and his fraternal twin brother, Jack, own a restaurant and bar that’s doing very well. I’m very excited to start a future with James.

Enough about me; now I would like to tell you about the audacity my family had. Roughly nine months after I left, I had been totally no contact. I did not tell them where I moved to. I only told some friends and a couple of cousins I was close to. One day, I got home to my apartment and found a wedding invitation in the mail. It was for the wedding of Ryan and Star.

The invitation included a gross picture of them hugging in a sunflower field. There was also a letter from my parents. It basically read like this: “You need to forgive and put all this behind us. We know things didn’t go the best, but we’re a family, and families work through problems.” They also claimed Star wanted me to be a bridesmaid, just like she was for me. What? The? Actual? F? That letter reopened all sorts of old wounds. At the time, my therapist got a lot more business because of it. Today, I find it hilarious, but then? Not so much.

I did not respond at all. The only thing I did was figure out which part of my extended family let my ex-family know my address and cut them off as well. That brings us to the most recent drama. Last week, Ryan, of all people, showed up at my apartment. James and I don’t live together yet, but that will be changing soon. Ryan looked good. Too good, like he was trying to look his best when he showed up.

I asked, “What do you want?” He said, “I just want to talk. I’m so sorry for what I did. Star and I are divorcing. I figured out she was unfaithful our whole marriage, surprise, surprise. I don’t expect you to take me back, but we should talk and get some closure for both of our sakes.” I did a double-take. He had lost his mind.

I looked him right in the eye and said, “No. I give you no closure. You made your own bed. Did you really think that the golden girl whose bed has had more visitors than the Holiday Inn was suddenly going to put up a ‘no vacancy’ sign just because you put a ring on it? You’re even dumber than I thought. I forgive nothing. I want nothing from you. I don’t care. I’m better off now, and that will always be the case. You can go to hell.”

Then, I turned and went back into my apartment, locking the door behind me. I immediately called my landlady, who is the sweetest old lady in the world. I’ve gotten kind of close to her over these four years, and she knows about my previous marriage. Ryan was still just loitering out in the hallway. A few minutes later, her two nephews that help maintain the apartment grounds were there, letting Ryan know he was not welcome here and was on a ban list. If he returned, the police would be called for trespassing.

I was hoping that would be the end of it, but it wasn’t. I have a fairly easy nine-to-five work schedule now. Because of that, I go to the restaurant almost any night James is managing. I don’t get in the way, just hang out and enjoy the few minutes here and there he can give me. I’ve become good friends with a lot of the staff, which includes a lot of James and Jack’s family, and it’s really the family environment I always wished I had.

I was there the next night when Ryan walked in and just came and sat at my table. It was a slow Tuesday. James noticed and immediately came over to check on me. He recognized Ryan from photos I had shown him. Ryan stuck his hand out to James. James just looked at it, then asked me, “Want me to kick him out?” I said, “Not yet. I’ve got a question or two.” Ryan perked up like he was winning or something. What a tool.

I asked him to tell me what happened between him and Star. I’ll admit, it was pure morbid curiosity. He told us she was having at least two affairs with married men. Old habits die hard, I guess. This was two years in. “It was a tough time for me,” he said. Eyes roll. I interrupted, “You are not that dumb, though. Did you protect yourself, or did she get half of all your stuff?”

Ryan replied smugly, “I stuck it out almost another year with her so I could start stowing away savings and selling off some assets. In the end, she got a fraction of what she would’ve.” I asked, “And what happened to her then?” Ryan replied, “She had to move back in with your parents again.” Again, I satisfiedly said, “Ah yes, thank you. That’s what I wanted to hear. You can go now.”

James said, “You heard her. Out of my restaurant.” Ryan started, “But no, I want to—” I cut him off. “No forgiveness, no closure. I just wanted to know my loser sister was back living at home. Get out.” James stood and pointed at the door. Ryan looked around and saw he was being glared at by the bartender and two members of the waitstaff. He stood, tucked his tail, and turned towards the door.

James started, “And if you ever come back?” Ryan quickly interjected, “Yeah, yeah, I know. Cops, trespassing.” After he was gone, I got checked on by almost everyone around. It was nice and embarrassing. My future in-laws, who I adore, called me. They demanded I stay with James for the next couple of days just to be safe. It was really sweet; I have never had a family look after me like this. I didn’t hear from Ryan again, and hopefully, I never will.

Update: Hi everybody. I didn’t think it would happen, but I have another update for you all. First, about me: I am now a 41-year-old mother of two sons, ages six and two. James and I are doing really well. I now work as a part-time office manager for the restaurants and am a semi-stay-at-home-mom. James’s cousin bought into the business, and we opened a second location three years ago. It’s been a lot more work, but with the three of them staying heavily involved in both locations, we’re successful, and it affords each of them some level of personal time.

It wasn’t ideal, but I’m pretty sure I got pregnant staying with James when his parents demanded I do so after my last posting. They now joke that they always wanted to be grandparents and it was all part of their plan. Now for the update. After the last time when Ryan tracked me down, I figured it was only a matter of time before my parents or sister showed up. It didn’t happen right away. I eased up some as I felt I had a full support system and rejoined social media. I stayed no contact with much of my family, including extended, but I also didn’t have any illusions that they wouldn’t be able to find me if they tried.

It wasn’t until after our first was born that I got my first message. It was from my mom. She gave a half-hearted apology, said something about forgiveness, and inquired about her grandson. I was just going to block her, but the implication that my child was her grandchild I found insulting. So, I replied, “You do not have any grandchildren. I am not your daughter, and thus my children have no relation to you. If you want grandchildren, then you should encourage Star to get out there and do what she does best.” At that point, I blocked her. She made new accounts and tried contacting me for a while, but I always just declined or deleted any requests or messages.

That brings me to the recent drama. I was getting bombarded with requests, messages, etc., to contact them. I read some, and it was a sob story about missing out on the grandkids’ lives and wanting to make amends. I really didn’t care. I had no intention of ever including them in my life again. Then the more shocking thing occurred: Star started reaching out to me. She wasn’t saying much other than she very much wanted to speak to me. After this went on for about three weeks, I agreed to a Zoom meeting. Just me, no kids.